It's been a while...
This isn't a subject i would normally talk about but something that has really caught my attention recently is how much life changes as you make a transition from childhood to being an adult.
There's so many things you begin to be aware of, that you as a child would never have given a second thought. You know i've been reading a great blog here in the integral community called Freedom, Flexibility, and Flow. One post links to a blog entry giving a summary of the various how to be wealthy books out there.... In the bookstores i've never even glanced twice at them... but when is started browsing this post and realized there was some useful information to be gained, i became very fascinated. What i'm getting at is that i'd have never begun to imagine (even 2 years ago) that i would have any interest in reading about financial strategies. Yet there i was enraptured thinking "i could do that, i could do that" You know as a testament to how much positive thinking plays a role, once i realized from reading that article that it was alot easier to begin financial planning than i could have imagined, i have had minor success in starting the process, enough to notice a difference anyway.
That's only once example among many. Another major example would be my concern over "settling down" and having children. The idea is very attractive to me these days. I've always known i wanted children, but it seemed to far off to be an issue. Now i'm worried that if i wait to much longer, i'll be to old to enjoy them as adults. But also shouldn't i travel and focus on my career for a while? It's problems like this that seem to occupy my time these days, and i don't quite know what to make of it.
More than anything i worry about my level of self sufficiency. When i was 19 i thought nothing of my mother helping me financially, now when that happens i feel guilty about it. I used to hate going to work, but i've become so concerned with making sure that i maintain a stable life style that i wouldn't miss work if i had any choice at all.
So these are my growing pains. I thought i would share them with everyone. This for me is a major part of my "spiritual" development. I've realized in the last year or two that living my life as well as i can will be more fulfilling to me than any spiritual discipline i could adopt. So although i still pursue my spiritual goals in order to find peace of mind, make enough sense of the world to take action, and gain wisdom about the nature of reality, i realize this is only a means to and end... not the goal itself.