Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Post on GenSit

I posted this today and i thought it would be good content for this site since it's relatively self contained

For me moment to moment experience is like standing on the edge of a beach at high tide. Waves of experience rush at me and crash over and through my being, whether they be human interaction or introspection, emotions, mental objects, or physical stimuli. I’m subjected to all these various forms most generated by my interior while i sit alone in a room :) I can encompass these forms but i’m also exposed to them in a way that’s beyond my control. Of course i can exercise control over my responses to them.

When i step back and observe my moment to moment awareness the first thing that stands out is a feeling of longing. I want something, what is it? And i can’t answer that question. I have a deep need it seems to come from the very center of my soul. I would interpret that as i feel like i’ve lost myself…where am i, where did i go? There’s something about myself i used to know :) I think some people would interpret this same feeling as existential angst. The Loss of Meaning. Of course i think it’s ultimately a choice you have to make do i choose to have faith in the meaning of life or get lost in it’s web?

But that feeling can be so intense sometimes it generates many different emotions and contexts for my life. Sometimes i feel so held down by my own boundaries that i become totally isolated, alone in the universe. Then other times i’m taken aback by the majesty and immensity of the universe and i feel very transcendent, very connected to the “ultimate meanings” of the universe, very connected to life in all it’s manifestations. Sometimes i’m shaken to my very core with a need, an intensification of this longing, a need to transcend myself to find some kind of tangible value beyond my day to day existence. I’m so moved by this that i feel like my soul could take flight into the heavens never to return.

I interpret this as my longing for Ultimate Union. The juxtaposition between life and death. We are thrown into this world that is seemingly completely out of control and definitely out of our control, we don’t know what’s going on, where did i come from? who am i? on what basis do i form my values? within what context do i interpret my experiences? The essential question i think. We are a part of this Divine Comedy, do we choose to find meaning or loose our souls to the outer forms? We have to create our own meaning. Can we manage to go out with our head held high and a lifetime of baggage neatly tucked away?

I feel so drawn toward this ultimate union though i am forced to find meaning within the context of that inevitable fact. I’m also equally drawn into my life, so moved by the miraculous nature of existence. I want a front row seat! Yet, i’m drawn toward my inevitable end because i know that’s where i’ll find my final meaning, but i’m juxtaposed between that need and my love of life. Which creates this state of tension a duality to the context of my life.

I think what ebuddha was saying about deep structures and inherent forms is quite important. We couldn’t be having this conversation at all if everyone hadn’t at least read about the Witness state. So obviously the more you refine your language your metaphysical framework the more context you will have within which to interpret your experiences and thus give them more meaning, finding more fulfillment within the experience itself. But it is also important to consider what the goal of these traditions, properly interpreted that is, would be.

The answer is to find yourself. To realize that everything you were ever looking for is right in front of you now. In order to find yourself… you not me… and then find Yourself… you and me… you have to have a radical dynamic acceptance of who and what you are; the experiences you have, the time frame within which you live, your own personal completely culturally/contextually driven interpretations have to be validated from within. And i think the way to do that is exactly what Sal is getting at with this post. We have to interpret this for ourselves we can’t let anyone who came before us do it.

Spiral Out, Keep Going

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